A FALSE FRIEND

A false friend is someone who is not really your friend. They are the type of people who we sometimes accidentally become friends with. They may want attention, popularity, your belongings or money, or simply a friend at all. So, how do you identify them to prevent a friendship from starting?

1
Notice how often a friend tries to embarrass you or make you look bad in front of anyone or everyone, especially after you’ve told, asked, or begged them to stop. This can be a major sign that the person does not care for you as a friend but rather as a source of entertainment, at your expense, of course.
2
Observe if the “friend” is mean to you or makes fun of you all the time. A mean friend may try to take advantage of you or possibly push you around. Keep in mind that some friends make fun of you in a joking way, while others do it to lower your self-esteem. Realize what they are doing, and find someone else who appreciates you.
3
Notice how often a friend breaks promises that they make to you. Maybe your friend calls you up to see a movie, but then cancels your plans at the last minute, or even worse only a minute or two after making it. This can be a major sign that the person does not want your friendship but only your companionship, and only when they can get nobody better to fill that void.
4
Notice how often someone’s friendliness increases whenever they want you to do something for them, and diminishes whenever they don’t want you to do something for them. For example, let’s say you’re going to have an awesome party next weekend. This person may start being nice to you and acting like your friend so you will invite them. Or they start being nice to you and then try to get you to do something you wouldn’t ordinarily do. This is a major sign that they only want to pretend to be your friend as long as there is something you can do for them, but not be your friend if they can’t get something specific for their efforts. Realize that some people will only be your friend if you do something for them. Try to be aware of the fact that this person probably does not want to be your friend, and find someone better to hang out with who actually likes you for who you are.
5
Notice how often they ignore you: ignore what you say, ignore your presence, fail to introduce you when they’re making introductions, they offer something to someone nearby but not to you, etc. Some people just like to talk about themselves and not care one bit about you. On the other hand, some people act super nice to you one day, but the next day they act as though they have no idea what-so-ever of who you are. What ever may be the case, you should think twice about being this person’s friend if this is frequently occurring.
6
Notice how often the person only behaves friendly to you when no other friends are around. This may mean that the person is talking to you out of boredom and does not actually want to be your friend. Also, if the person constantly leaves without warning or explanation, take this as a hint they do not want to be your friend.
7
Notice how often a friend chews you out for making mistakes, or chews you out for bringing their mistakes to their attention but chews you out for making even little mistakes. Some people want to surround themselves with perfectly-behaving people so that they will be perceived as being better than they actually are. It doesn’t work, but lots of people for some reason believe that it does.
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If you find yourself to be in any of the above situations very often at all, it might be time to start seeking other people to spend time with. If you find yourself to be in one or more of the above situations pretty frequently, it is time to start spending time with other people. Remember though that some people have differing personalities and it is usually a good idea to talk to someone about the situation before entirely scrapping your friendship, in case what you have judged to be a false friend is actually not.
9
If they do not respect what you like as well as dislike. True friends respect the things that you like so, they would not want to change your field of interest. If you are a person that enjoys attending art galleries, museums, and going to musical theaters, then your friends should support that no matter what. If they try to make you go to rock concerts that are not enjoyable or go to movie theater with noisy people when you don’t want to, perhaps they aren’t a true friend.
10
Real friends respect another friends’ moral values. If you have very high moral values, then your friends should either share the same values or respect them. If you do not believe in having sexual intercourse before marriage, then your friends should respect and leave it at that. If they believe in “friends with benefits” and push it onto you, then you should leave them alone and find someone else that does not believe in that mantra.
11
Real friends love you just the way you are. If they are trying to change you in a way that makes them accept you, then don’t waste your time on them.
12
Friends may turn abnormal especially when they are out of work, so do not decide too soon. However, if they have been acting unfriendly for too long, they may have a hidden grudge.
13
Go back in time to analyse what you did to the unreal friend. Did you fail to help them out or manage their expectations? There may be a clue there.

What kind of friend are you to others?

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Bad Company…

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I read this great article by Marc Chernoff, it was about being in bad company. So I’m sharing some warning signs to know you are in bad company. I know all of us at some point in life was in bad company. I sure know I have….more than once.

1.  They only make time for you when it’s convenient for them. It’s obvious, but any relationship without regular interaction and communication is going to have problems, especially when there’s a lack of commitment. Don’t waste your time with someone who only wants you around when it’s convenient for them.  You shouldn’t have to force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they truly care about you they will gladly create space for you. Being in a relationship with someone who overlooks your worth isn’t loyalty, it’s stupidity.  Never beg someone for attention.  Know your self-worth, and move on if you must.

  2.  They hold your past against you. Some people will refuse to accept that you are no longer who you used to be – that you’ve made mistakes in the past, learned from them, and moved past them.  They may not be able to stand the fact that you’re growing and moving on with your life, and so they will try to drag your past to catch up with you.  Do not help them by acknowledging their negative behavior.  Keep moving forward. Holding on to the unchangeable past is a waste of energy and serves no purpose in creating a better day today.  If someone continuously judges you by your past and holds it against you, you might have to repair your future by leaving them behind.
BC3.  You feel trapped. Healthy relationships keep the doors and windows wide open.  Plenty of air is flowing and no one feels trapped.  Relationships thrive in this kind of unrestricted environment.  You can come and go as you please, but you choose to stay because where you are is where you want to be. If you want to be a part of someone’s life, all the open doors and windows in the world won’t make you leave.  If someone has closed them all in an effort to trap you into something you don’t want to be a part of, it’s time to find the strength to kick down the door.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the Relationships and Self-Love chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
4.  They discredit your dreams and abilities. If you allow others to define your dreams and abilities, then you enable them to hold you back.  What you’re capable of achieving is not a function of what other people think is possible for you.  What you’re capable of achieving depends on what you choose to do with your time and energy. People will throw all sorts of assumptions your way about what is possible and what is impossible.  Look beyond the presumptions and mental limitations of others, and connect with your own best vision of how YOUR life can be.  Life is an open-ended journey, and what you achieve comes from what you expect to achieve and what you work to achieve. So don’t worry about what everyone else thinks.  Keep living your truth.  The only people that will get mad at you for doing so are those who want you to live a lie.

5.  They have lied to you more than once. Love is a verb, not a noun.  It is ACTIVE in all relationships.  Love is not just feelings of passion and romance between lovers; it is also a behavior among friends and family.  If someone lies to you, they are unlovingly disrespecting you and your relationship. When you keep someone in your life who is a chronic liar, and you keep giving them new chances to be trusted, you have a lot in common with this person – you’re both lying and being unloving to you! Bottom line:  Those who avoid the truth and tell you only what you want to hear do so for their own benefit, not yours.  Don’t put up with it.  (Read Emotional Vampires.)

6.  Their negativity is rubbing off on you. The negative people in your life don’t just behave negatively towards you, but towards everyone they interact with.  What they say and do is a projection of their own reality – their own inner issues.  Even if they say something to you that seems personal – even if they insult you directly – it likely has zero to do with you. This is important to remember because what these negative people say and do shouldn’t be taken to heart.  Although you don’t have control over what they say and do; you do have control over whether or not you allow them to say and do these things to you.  You alone can deny their venomous words and actions from invading your heart and mind.  If you feel like these people are getting to you, take a break and give yourself some space to breathe. Positive things happen when you distance yourself from negative people.  Doing so doesn’t mean you hate them, it simply means you respect yourself.

7.   They are excessively envious of what you have. A little bit of envy is OK, but when someone is excessively envious of what you have, there’s a good chance what they really want is to take it from you. Excessive envy doesn’t tell you how much someone admires you, it tells you how much they dislike themselves.  If you can, try to help lift them up, but also be careful that they don’t pull you down.  Oftentimes no amount of love, or promises, or proof from you will ever be enough to make them feel better about themselves.  For the broken pieces they carry, are pieces they must mend for themselves.  Happiness, after all, is an inside job.

8.  They motivate you to be judgmental or hateful. Truth be told, no human being is superior.  No faith, race, size or shape is inferior.  All collective judgments about others are wrong.  Only judgmental hypocrites make them. If you judge others by their skin color, their body size, and their outer beauty, you will miss EVERYTHING about who they really are.  It is amazing the quality of people you will learn about and meet in this world if you can simply get past the fact that lots of people are not dressing and living the way you do. People who motivate you to judge or hate others are as bad as bad company gets.  Avoid them at all costs.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

9.  They want you to be someone else. Spend time with people who see you the way you are, and not as they wish to think you are.  Spend even more time with those who truly know about you, and who love and respect you anyway. If someone expects you to be someone you’re not, take a step back.  It’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are, than to keep them intact by acting like someone you’re not.  It’s easier to nurse a little heartache and meet someone new, than it is to piece together your own shattered identity.  It’s easier to fill an empty space within your life where someone else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space within yourself where YOU used to be.
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Thanks for stopping by….

Fake People….

Some people are REAL. Some people are GOOD. Some people are FAKE. And some people are REAL GOOD at being FAKE. Who they are really start to show….Eventually.

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